nerves

Tomorrow I leave town for my final two interviews. I'm excited, but surprisingly nervous. Not that surprising, I suppose - both of my parents are nervous travelers. Residency is one of the biggest decisions of my life, and it's not entirely my decision. I haven't had any really difficult interviews yet, so if one of these programs is more...ahem...stringent in their interview process, I'm going to be unprepared.
Luckily, I have lots of support. The non-interview portions of this trip should be fun. My dad and Tom are going with me, and I have family in Milwaukee and Phoenix, so there will be plenty of non-medically-related fun to be had.
I had to present morning report (a case of congenital CMV) today. It did not go well. I felt ultra-prepared, but of course, there were things I had overlooked that I was asked about. And it was a depressing case, for which there is no good treatment, so there was no happy ending. I didn't get a lot of feedback, and my attending didn't say a word after my presentation, so I think he was less than impressed. I better get used to being less than impressive - I think that will be the story of my life next year.
After reading "Intern Blues" I am dreading next year. I know life is better for interns now than when the book was written (1980's), but it's still hard. The issues are the same. We're still expected to work our hardest at the time in life when many of us are hoping to start (or continue) families. I should be enjoying my fourth year instead of worrying about the future, but I can't shake this sense of foreboding, and that book certainly did not help.
Hopefully by my next post I'll be relaxed and rested after my travels.